I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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