I faked an abortion last night.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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