Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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