yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
