It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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