Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
