he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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