Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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