That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You don't make any sense
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