I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
