youre lurking in front of me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
