he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
