i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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