why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
