I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
