He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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