just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His hands were made for my vagina.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
