It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
