Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
