You work out of a Hotel?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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