We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
