what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
