Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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