I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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