ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
