I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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