8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
BRING THE BAGELS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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