put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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