is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
