Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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