Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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