This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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