i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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