She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
