We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
