dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
