Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
