Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
