I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
