I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
