hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
