Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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