What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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