do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just pee around me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
