friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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