The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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