Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Randomize
