Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
