i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
