I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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