You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
