...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
