My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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