On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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