I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
