why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
