You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Btw I puked in your glovebox
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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