He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize