I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize