Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
