I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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