So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
