Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
