you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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