Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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