I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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