To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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