you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
