just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
