if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
