why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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