OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
