The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
