the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
