I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
