Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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