You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
