Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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